Growth mindset theory says we should do more of the things at which we consider ourselves to be less skilled, as opposed to more of the things at which we consider ourselves to be more skilled. We should recognize that we are not naturally "good at" or "bad at" anything, and any acquired skill requires time and training. It sounds fairly logical, but aim to think about the amount of times you have said you are "bad at" art, or I have said I am "bad at" math. I went from knowing maybe 10 African countries and, maybe two hours of concerted study later, I knew them all. So can you. We aren't "bad at" geography. Why would we already know things we haven't actively bothered to learn? Much of learning does not arrive by osmosis.
Anyway. I have always been a word stumbler. I process slowly. I have not considered speaking to be the best way in which I can communicate. However, my job requires this on a daily basis, and 10 years of teaching + 4 years of Concurrent Education training have meant I have daily opportunties to be better. Granted, that crowd has never been larger than 33 people, and they are not my "peers".
I have been aiming to extend myself. Our poetry slam audience was easily 150+. As much as I wish I did, I do not like speaking before crowds. I am still a word stumbler. I still process slowly. I wish I could sound as thoughtful and knowledgeable as I factually know I am. However, my favourite speakers are often academics and often, in speaking one on one, I have viewed many to be without the humility that I think learning and communicating requires. I have often, in the past, defined myself by being studious and a high-achieving academic student. I think this was often because my greatest value in others - kindness - felt unachievable in myself. I am spirited. I am sensitive. I am stubborn. I have strong opinions and a temper. I often feel unkind.
However, I realized in a very considered fashion, more than a decade ago, that if my thoughts didn't translate to words properly or efficiently, I could not - and maybe did not even want to be - the "smart" teacher.
Maybe if I could not be the kind friend, or the kind stranger, or the kind daughter, as much as I always wanted to be -- maybe I could be the kind teacher.
So. If at the end of the day, I stumble over my words, and if I don't know everything, it's okay. If, as long as it seemed that I cared about what I was speaking, and I cared about to whom I was speaking, that has to be enough. I don't know everything. I'm always learning. I'm always trying very, very hard.
Most importantly, this is and has always been enough.
I told my students yesterday: When you are done being educated in institutions, you are not done learning.
In the spirit of growth mindset, as an anxious afterthought, I made this one of my last goals. I have said yes to things I other years would have not -- out of safety, out of feeling "bad at", out of thinking that I could not be better and my skills were fixed and finished in development.
All my life, I was told to try. Here I go:
Humberview Howl Podcast Interview, Part 1. Writer's Craft.
In 17 minutes, Humberview student Chris asks me questions about Writer's Craft and our poetry slam. (More importantly, you get to hear the top three student poems. Crack out the tissues.)
Original goal list posted here
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