Progress: #1. Propose a written text for publication

This is a carry over from my last 3 year set, because I was waiting for authentic motivation. It's taken some up close arts & crafts, some ASD advocacy, some self-reflection and some Writer's Craft inspiration, but I'm going to give it a go. I am going to create my graphic novel memoir.

First, I pulled out all my graphic novels and set them in piles according to publishers. I noted authors and drew up some notes of similarities between their work and my own.

Next, I researched graphic novel publishers and submission specifications -- including some publishers of some of my favourites, and some smaller scale publishers. I also wrote down a list of individual authors to contact directly, and found at least 7 accessible email addresses.

Subsequently, I went through old photo boxes for sources and pulled them, too, along with any old interesting works or writings from various ages.

I tested all my pens and inks.

I pulled out my old bubble and frame templates, some papers, and some old comics of mine for potential use or inspiration.

I noted down a basic outline and - friends, I'm ready to go. It looks as though for most submission requirements, I'll need 5-20 inked and complete pages, a cover mockup, proposed length, and a synopsis, so I'm going to accomplish those things before any further contact work.

The best thing about this sort of work is that I can carry it with me whenever I'm out, should the time or desire strike.

I'm glad to feel I have a focus.



Original goal list posted here

Progress: #15. Read and write more poetry

I dream of late of poetry, so I took it as a sign.

"so live and remember

burn as if you were an ember 

capable of starting fires

like each moment inspires the next

like memories are the context we put ourselves in

and life is the next of kin we need to notify 

in case of a big bang or extinction level event

let now be our advent

let us live like we meant it 

burn like we mean it

because this world doesn't give a shit 

if we end in a train wreck or a car crash

if your story ends with a dot or dash if you were dust or ash

because all we were is all we’ll be

because all we are is the in-between of so far so good

so forget every would could should not

forget remembering how we forgot

live like a plot twist exists now and in memory

because we burned clear and bright

our light leaves scars on the sun

let no one say we will be undone by time's passing

the memories we are amassing will stand as testament

that somehow we bent minds around the concept

that we see others in ourselves

that self-knowledge can't be found on bookshelves

because who we are has no bearing on how we appear

so look directly into every mirror

realize our reflection is the first sentence of a story

and our story starts

we were here."

- Shane Koyczan, "Remember How We Forgot"

Original goal list posted here

Completed: #21. Bake a vegan tourtiere

Now that I've checked off some familial Christmas Eve culinary traditions from Geoff's side, I thought I'd try my hand at my own traditional familial Christmas morning breakfast: Vegan Tourtiere.

I followed my mom's exact recipe for the interior. However, I did not have all the ingredients to follow her pastry recipe, so I went with a variation of the uszka pastry, using the millet flour I had on hand.

At one point, Geoff came upstairs and asked how it was going. I said "I don't want to talk about it". He said okay and went back downstairs. That was probably a good idea.

To quote my dad "It's ugly as sin, but it'll do." I tasted the filling and it's 👌, so I'm sure it will taste fine, regardless of aesthetics. If not: Well, that's what Ketchup is for.

(In better news, I got to break out the new little red pot and deep skillet. You know you're #adulting when your Christmas list is all about kitchenware and socks.)

Original goal list posted here

Completed: #33. Hang something on the wall

Despite all appearances, perhaps, I am a highly avoidant person. When I have a negative experience with something, my mind does much anxious blocking prevention from ever having me do that thing again. This has been problematic in therapeutic endeavours and physical activity. This is why it is good that I am paid to be at work (wherein I discover negative experiences are 1. learning experiences, 2. par for the course, and 3. far outweighed here by the positives -- so you'd think I'd take this and largely apply it to my life. Alas.) This is why I will likely never work at a camp again, never make another social outing at a bar, never take another kickboxing class, never try my hand at homemade sushi again, and why I avoid phone calls if there is any other option, ad infinitum. Those things are perhaps understandable.

My hope, though, is that this all helps to give you context for why such an apparently "easy" goal is on this list. I honestly, before today, thought that hammering nails and screws (ha) for hanging was an art for the especially skilled.

This is because once I tried to hang one of my own paintings and the first nail must have been positioned over a stud and kept breaking when I tried (very hard) to hammer it. In the next position, the nail fell into the wall. Twice. This was maybe 7 or 8 years ago. I swore off ever hanging anything again.

I'd leave it to the pros -- my mom and my fiancé: "Little help? Please?"

The trouble with having very understanding people around you is that of course they will do things to help ease your anxiety and so it is easy to avoid "difficult" things forever.

(Though, again, you'd think if I eventually learned how to drive a car - I failed like seven driving tests in my life, p.s.* - I could take on hammering a nail again. Alas.)

In accordance with my last goal, I made so many anatomical birch scroll wood burns that my studio was getting crowded. I knew where I wanted to hang them but felt I couldn't fairly ask Geoff to hammer eight nails in a row with specific width expectations. I'd just have to rough it out on my own.

It was fine.

To quote a church sign, it wasn't "rocket surgery" (most badass profession ftw).

I used pliers to flatten some photo clips and hemp string to create some rustic hanging ties, because I thought it went best with the aesthetic. Then I secured them with a glue gun. Easy. The second easiest thing I did today, by the way. The first involved nails and a hammer. 

That second task was so invigoratingly easy that I followed it up by screwdriving a screw into the wall and hanging my beautiful vintage garage-saled bird clock that I bought in, oh, August?

Need to hang some things? Hit me up. Better yet, do it yourself. I believe in you.

*Eight years on the road now and no accidents, by the way. You want to talk about anxiety? I just hate passengers with clipboards and silent judgement.



Original goal list posted here

Completed: #23. Practice anatomical drawing

All of the following pieces are replicas from Anatomy and Pathology, 5th Ed. All are completed on birch bark scrolls foraged by my uncle. All are rendered with a wood burner and colourized with watercolour paint.

I think I'm going to call this goal complete, but I have some related ideas for upcoming paintings. I'm quite into freak art these days (thanks, Chris Simpsons artist) and I'm thinking of merging human and animal anatomy images, using acrylic on canvas. I haven't painted in awhile. Also: I think they'd sell, and I wouldn't hang them on my own wall, so... win-win.

Original goal list posted here

Completed #12: Make Polish barszcz

I've been to Poland twice. It's beautiful, and I've yet to meet a Pole I don't like.

However, of all the places I've ever travelled, I've been the least enamoured with Polish food.

That is, until I met my fiancé, Geoff. He's half Polish, on his mother's side, and my four years of Christmas Eve dinners have been really exciting.

See, I love beets. Beyond my family's own traditions of pickling them, I don't know much about preparing beets. However, I now eat bowl after bowl of Geoff's mom's barszcz, and so I wanted to learn how to make my own.

(I think this is also cool, in that if we have children, I'll be able to help Geoff infuse their lives with some of his Polish traditions alongside my own Quebecois Métis ones.)

I used this recipe, and - though Geoff's mom prepares it clear red - I decided to follow the direction to julienne and include the beets. (See: I love beets.)

I took this a step further, as I've always been intrigued by the inclusion of uszka (Polish translation: "little ears"), but I've thus far been unable to eat them because the dough often contains eggs. I used this recipe, which did not. 

I tailored my Fresh City Farms order this week to these two dishes and even dehydrated the mushrooms, as per the uszka recipe, last night. I also used chickpea flour, so mine were even gluten-free. (It was just what I had; I'm not totally anti-gluten. It may have tasted more appropriate with regular flour, I think. I just find chickpea flour still tastes vaguely of chickpeas.)

Anyway, I have no point of comparison for the uszka, but I think they turned out pretty well. I almost slammed my head down in defeat when I realized the recipe called for a rolling pin and I, baker of nothing, had none. Geoff figuratively stopped my head, mid-slam of defeat, by saying "Search DIY rolling pins!" 

I used a drinking glass. It was fine.

I also need here to note that, unfortunately, Geoff cannot verify if these are any good. My vegan self eats more variety than his non-vegan self, due to intense pickiness. He doesn't like mushrooms and he think barszcz looks like it is made of blood, so.

More for me.

Here are some photos. Please excuse my "fine china" (see: black plastic takeout container). My dishwasher is currently running.

Original goal list posted here

Progress: #42. Do more public speaking

Growth mindset theory says we should do more of the things at which we consider ourselves to be less skilled, as opposed to more of the things at which we consider ourselves to be more skilled. We should recognize that we are not naturally "good at" or "bad at" anything, and any acquired skill requires time and training. It sounds fairly logical, but aim to think about the amount of times you have said you are "bad at" art, or I have said I am "bad at" math. I went from knowing maybe 10 African countries and, maybe two hours of concerted study later, I knew them all. So can you. We aren't "bad at" geography. Why would we already know things we haven't actively bothered to learn? Much of learning does not arrive by osmosis.

Anyway. I have always been a word stumbler. I process slowly. I have not considered speaking to be the best way in which I can communicate. However, my job requires this on a daily basis, and 10 years of teaching + 4 years of Concurrent Education training have meant I have daily opportunties to be better. Granted, that crowd has never been larger than 33 people, and they are not my "peers".

I have been aiming to extend myself. Our poetry slam audience was easily 150+. As much as I wish I did, I do not like speaking before crowds. I am still a word stumbler. I still process slowly. I wish I could sound as thoughtful and knowledgeable as I factually know I am. However, my favourite speakers are often academics and often, in speaking one on one, I have viewed many to be without the humility that I think learning and communicating requires. I have often, in the past, defined myself by being studious and a high-achieving academic student. I think this was often because my greatest value in others - kindness - felt unachievable in myself. I am spirited. I am sensitive. I am stubborn. I have strong opinions and a temper. I often feel unkind.

However, I realized in a very considered fashion, more than a decade ago, that if my thoughts didn't translate to words properly or efficiently, I could not - and maybe did not even want to be - the "smart" teacher.

Maybe if I could not be the kind friend, or the kind stranger, or the kind daughter, as much as I always wanted to be -- maybe I could be the kind teacher.

So. If at the end of the day, I stumble over my words, and if I don't know everything, it's okay. If, as long as it seemed that I cared about what I was speaking, and I cared about to whom I was speaking, that has to be enough. I don't know everything. I'm always learning. I'm always trying very, very hard.

Most importantly, this is and has always been enough.

I told my students yesterday: When you are done being educated in institutions, you are not done learning.

In the spirit of growth mindset, as an anxious afterthought, I made this one of my last goals. I have said yes to things I other years would have not -- out of safety, out of feeling "bad at", out of thinking that I could not be better and my skills were fixed and finished in development.

All my life, I was told to try. Here I go:

Humberview Howl Podcast Interview, Part 1. Writer's Craft.

In 17 minutes, Humberview student Chris asks me questions about Writer's Craft and our poetry slam. (More importantly, you get to hear the top three student poems. Crack out the tissues.)


Original goal list posted here