This morning, I kept sleeping in and opted to shower instead of morning yoga. A truth: Showering is always an ordeal for me. I don't know why. If it isn't anxiety-inducing, it's akin to the begrudged drudgery of marking, or something. I hate it. I always have. There are just some things you have to do for the sake of others, though. This is one.
Also, straight up, if I didn't set this as a goal, I would have given up today. It just gets really hard for me to manage work + living. Really hard. I like my job, but it takes approximately 300% of my energy and I've sleeping every night by 5 or 6pm.
I realize it doesn't help that I haven't eaten solid food any day this week before 4:00pm and eat maybe 500 or so calories when I get home, take two Tylenol for a headache, crash. I realize I look totally fine, but I have completely terrible eating habits. I feel that others feel that so long as I look fine, I am entitled to those habits. Whenever I mention them, people say things like "Oh, me too; I didn't have breakfast," or something. I never do. But I guess I seem normal enough, so. If it doesn't bother anyone else, it doesn't bother me -- so long as I look ordinary, I suppose I deserve to eat terribly.
Anyway. I'm working on it. Today I ate some really great nachos and salsa I bought from a student sale downstairs. Lunch was goal #1. Yoga in the evening was goal #2.
I got in my thickest, coziest onesie and browsed my YouTube yoga playlist. The thumbnail for this one was Yogi Adrienne lying under a blanket, so that seemed A+ to me. It was good and easy, for a 30+ minute video -- mostly anxiety-related meditation (grateful), and hip stretches. Nothing strenuous. My hips are good. My hamstrings are not.
Leo joined in. I didn't even want to do this before I sat down begrudgingly. It was fine. Self-care. Knowing one's own limits. I'm not burning fat today. I'm not touching my toes today. I'm not taking on the world in any significant ways today.
My motivations to continue: 1) I've been running this goal list for 10 years and it has inspired and affected some pretty significant changes in my life. I feel really indebted to it, and I set my mind to complete any goal I say I can. I guess I secretly think I can do most anything, if (a) I want to, and (b) I try. 2) My Dad says I'm not, and have never been, a quitter.
Original goal list posted here
No comments:
Post a Comment